[There's no sloth that delivers this mail. Some miscreant has stopped by in the dead of night to hand-place a piece of folded paper in your mailbox. They were even considerate enough to flip the red mail-flippy-thing up, to alert you to your "gift". After unfolding the paper, there is a picture drawn on it:]
[How did this weird person find out where you live? Probably by stalking you, or something creepy like that. Who knows.]
[As with most of his mail, Bertie sends this letter via bee. It really is just faster than sloth. Who puts a sloth in charge of a postal system, anyway? The note is short and in Bertie's elaborate cursive. Just because you're going for brevity doesn't mean you should get sloppy about it.]
[Maybe two days later Bertie will get a response in a crisp white envelope. When he opens it he'll find paper that has clearly seen better days. It's been rumpled and flattened a few times before actually being sent.
There are faint traces of pencil marks not fully erased and pen taking its place in rough but legible handwriting. Eddie has rewritten this note enough times to scar the paper.]
Thank you for the apology.
I'm sorry I threatened you and caused you to have a panic attack. I didn't think me giving you a hard time would lead to that. I'll remember not to next time.
I'm still pissed at you, give me time to get less pissed. Okay?
I am at your complete discretion whenever you might wish to speak on the matter. Or write. You needn't apologize, though, what I said to you was unforgiveable, the mark of scoundrel of the highest degree! Or the lowest degree? I'm not entirely sure of the direction of gradation on such a scale, but whichever end comes out the rottenest, that's the end you might find one Wooster, B. and his appalling words and misdeeds on.
Hey bro, want to talk to you about something serious. I've been getting a really bad feeling lately and want you and Sasha to know what's up just in case. I don't expect anything to really happen, but I can't be sure and I'm trying not to freak out.
Also, if you two ever need to talk about Alessa, I'm here. I know more about Silent Hill than I'd like to now that I've actually been there myself. Don't let Sasha beat himself up too much, I'm worried for him.
I'm always up for talking. Especially when you're getting a feeling bout something bad going down. We're always open to talking, we're in this shit together you know.
We're alright. The wound isn't exactly fresh anymore. Sasha's ain't exactly beating himself up over it.
[Darkroach has just learned what fishing is! Sort of. Get fish, people like fish, yay! He would also like to leave Eddie a token of appreciation for showing him this music thing on his guitar, so he's sharing his fish! Sadly, this means that he has left a dead fish in Eddie's mailbox--or if Eddie's lucky, he's caught in the act trying to leave a dead fish in the mailbox. Someday, maybe Hajime will learn to watch his minion better.]
"Is there a particular reason you're stuffin' a fish in my mail box?" Eddie really has to ask. It isn't every day he has a giant bug minion stuffing a fish in his mailbox.
[Eddie will find the following threatening letter in the mailbox should it be checked.]
Now hear this:
On this day, the 24th of August by your human accounting, we have captured the most despicable Mailsloth. The League of Legislacerators wish it to be known that they have no name for this contemptible criminal. Never have we heard of such disrepute! A vagabond without a name!
Might those who wonder at her crimes be informed that she stands accused as such:
1. Excessive sloth 2. Dereliction of duty 3. Marauding about without any purpose 4. Egregious misuse of a Mailsloth’s hat
If you want to have her back Better be quick and find the sack She kept the letters and mail in Even when they were getting thin.
Go to the east where the bridge overthrows The river you’ve forded or watched as it goes. Beneath the trellis, tucked up really tight, You’ll find the bag there, so use all your might. It’s more than a one-person job you will find. So, take on a partner, or two, six, or nine!
- The Wholly Legal and Within Their Rights League of Legislacerators
[In deference to their Mailsloth issues, this letter is placed in the mailbox and delivered the day of sending by Lady Harriet.]
Mr. Edward Nein-Riggs 3337 Cream Puff Way
I must extend my most sincere apologies for my conduct over the past several weeks. I wasn't at all myself, and it left me speaking improperly to you and about you, dressing in a most egregious manner, and generally acting not at all as a gentleman should. I'm so sorry for ever bringing up anything related to your private affairs and mine. I shan't say another word about them ever again, but I should understand in full if you'd like to tell me to sod off and go and boil my head.
I'm not exactly sure why you're apologizing. We were shooting the breeze far as I remember. Even if Mika and I were giggling like school girls at some points.
You're far too kind, much kinder than I deserve. Thank you for playing it off. As said, I'll keep everything under the hat from here on out. Mum's the word and a nod's as good as a something-or-other.
"A threat ()r tw() c()uldn't hurt" is what y()u said, dude
An empty threat is w()rse than useless when the pers()n they'd be threatening already dem()nstrated a c()mplete lack ()f respect f()r b()undaries. If they figure ()ut Z's n()t seri()us ab()ut hurting them then they d()n't have any reas()n t() believe that Z's seri()us ab()ut any ()f the rest ()f it
I mean what the shit I kn()w y()u're huge and intimidating and all but have y()u really never been in a sitch where y()u didn't want t() s()lve a pr()blem by hitting shit until it went away???
If we d()n't want Zephyr hurting pe()ple we als() d()n't want Zephyr putting themself in a p()siti()n where they need t() hurt pe()ple
I'm thinking ab()ut thr()wing a party ()nce the weather breaks in a c()uple weeks, because we d() n()t have rem()tely en()ugh parties ar()und here, and I was w()ndering if y()u'd help ()ut with like, music and stuff? I really d()n't have a s()und system w()rth spitting ()n and I kn()w that's kind ()f y()ur, like, v()cati()n ()r whatever
Anyway, n() real hurry, I'm waiting until we d()n't have a shitl()ad ()f l()()se crystalline precipitate ()n the gr()und, but get back t() me? Thanks
Hell yeah, I am so fucking down for party set up. I'm glad you sent me this.
Do you just want me to handle just the sound system? Want me to grab anything else? I can probably supply beer and coolers to use. I got enough of them here.
[Another year, another gift to keep Eddie warm in the upcoming winter. One day in the weeks leading up to the season change, Eddie will find a packaged addressed to him in front of his door as well as packages for Sasha and Lili.
Inside of it is a pair of mittens and a sweater. They're both made of soft yarn, dyed black. They both are in a vaguely fair isle pattern, though the deer have been swapped out for something that looks akin to your stereotypical satyr-with-wings demons. The accompanying note reads:]
Hopefully the 2weater fiit2. II had to gue22 the siize.
[Eliza leaves Eddie a drawing in his mailbox the night of Christmas Eve. It shows him playing his guitar pretty dramatically, with waves of energy emanating from it. She does know it has magic, although she's admittedly unsure what form it actually takes. There are a few helpful stars dancing around as well to try and symbolize it. The drawing is signed and has "Merry Christmas!" written on it.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[How did this weird person find out where you live? Probably by stalking you, or something creepy like that. Who knows.]
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Terezi, you little fuckin' shit. [Is laughed as he grins at the picture.]
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Mr. Edward Nein-Riggs
3337 Cream Puff Way
I'm sorry.
Most Heartfelt Apologies,
B. W. Wooster
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There are faint traces of pencil marks not fully erased and pen taking its place in rough but legible handwriting. Eddie has rewritten this note enough times to scar the paper.]
Thank you for the apology.
I'm sorry I threatened you and caused you to have a panic attack. I didn't think me giving you a hard time would lead to that. I'll remember not to next time.
I'm still pissed at you, give me time to get less pissed. Okay?
- Eddie Nein-Riggs
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Mr. Edward Nein-Riggs
3337 Cream Puff Way
I am at your complete discretion whenever you might wish to speak on the matter. Or write. You needn't apologize, though, what I said to you was unforgiveable, the mark of scoundrel of the highest degree! Or the lowest degree? I'm not entirely sure of the direction of gradation on such a scale, but whichever end comes out the rottenest, that's the end you might find one Wooster, B. and his appalling words and misdeeds on.
Most Heartfelt Apologies,
B. W. Wooster
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I'm sorry what was that, Eddie is just bulldozing over Bertie now...
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Also, if you two ever need to talk about Alessa, I'm here. I know more about Silent Hill than I'd like to now that I've actually been there myself. Don't let Sasha beat himself up too much, I'm worried for him.
Take care, okay?
♥ Mika
ps I made chili do you want some?
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We're alright. The wound isn't exactly fresh anymore. Sasha's ain't exactly beating himself up over it.
- Eddie
ps. of course. When do I turn down chili?
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Are you sure he seemed like he wasn't going to be okay after the meeting. :<
M
well I just figured I'd ask anyway ♥
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[in action]
[in action]
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Delivered the Morning of August 24th
Now hear this:
On this day, the 24th of August by your human accounting, we have captured the most despicable Mailsloth. The League of Legislacerators wish it to be known that they have no name for this contemptible criminal. Never have we heard of such disrepute! A vagabond without a name!
Might those who wonder at her crimes be informed that she stands accused as such:
1. Excessive sloth
2. Dereliction of duty
3. Marauding about without any purpose
4. Egregious misuse of a Mailsloth’s hat
If you want to have her back
Better be quick and find the sack
She kept the letters and mail in
Even when they were getting thin.
Go to the east where the bridge overthrows
The river you’ve forded or watched as it goes.
Beneath the trellis, tucked up really tight,
You’ll find the bag there, so use all your might.
It’s more than a one-person job you will find.
So, take on a partner, or two, six, or nine!
- The Wholly Legal and Within Their Rights League of Legislacerators
September 16th, after inhibitions are restored
Mr. Edward Nein-Riggs
3337 Cream Puff Way
I must extend my most sincere apologies for my conduct over the past several weeks. I wasn't at all myself, and it left me speaking improperly to you and about you, dressing in a most egregious manner, and generally acting not at all as a gentleman should. I'm so sorry for ever bringing up anything related to your private affairs
and mine. I shan't say another word about them ever again, but I should understand in full if you'd like to tell me to sod off and go and boil my head.Most Heartfelt Apologies,
B. W. Wooster
ho boy
I'm not exactly sure why you're apologizing. We were shooting the breeze far as I remember. Even if Mika and I were giggling like school girls at some points.
It isn't a big deal, Bertie, don't sweat over it.
- Eddie
Watch Bertie misinterpret this...
You're far too kind, much kinder than I deserve. Thank you for playing it off. As said, I'll keep everything under the hat from here on out. Mum's the word and a nod's as good as a something-or-other.
-B.W.W.
while eddie boggles in the distance
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i uploaded this icon just for bertie
it's an excellent bertie icon
delivered via telekinesis
delivered via psychic cougar
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An empty threat is w()rse than useless when the pers()n they'd be threatening already dem()nstrated a c()mplete lack ()f respect f()r b()undaries. If they figure ()ut Z's n()t seri()us ab()ut hurting them then they d()n't have any reas()n t() believe that Z's seri()us ab()ut any ()f the rest ()f it
I mean what the shit I kn()w y()u're huge and intimidating and all but have y()u really never been in a sitch where y()u didn't want t() s()lve a pr()blem by hitting shit until it went away???
If we d()n't want Zephyr hurting pe()ple we als() d()n't want Zephyr putting themself in a p()siti()n where they need t() hurt pe()ple
(no subject)
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I'm thinking ab()ut thr()wing a party ()nce the weather breaks in a c()uple weeks, because we d() n()t have rem()tely en()ugh parties ar()und here, and I was w()ndering if y()u'd help ()ut with like, music and stuff? I really d()n't have a s()und system w()rth spitting ()n and I kn()w that's kind ()f y()ur, like, v()cati()n ()r whatever
Anyway, n() real hurry, I'm waiting until we d()n't have a shitl()ad ()f l()()se crystalline precipitate ()n the gr()und, but get back t() me? Thanks
-
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Do you just want me to handle just the sound system? Want me to grab anything else? I can probably supply beer and coolers to use. I got enough of them here.
-Eddie
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Inside of it is a pair of mittens and a sweater. They're both made of soft yarn, dyed black. They both are in a vaguely fair isle pattern, though the deer have been swapped out for something that looks akin to your stereotypical satyr-with-wings demons. The accompanying note reads:]
Hopefully the 2weater fiit2. II had to gue22 the siize.
-Xanthou2
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This is fucking perfect, dude.
Remind me to make you something later. I owe you.
-Eddie
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-Stephen
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-Eddie
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